Monday, August 29, 2011

Sin Francisco

Hello Stephanie/the world. And by the world I mean our one follower. Which, I mean, is like 100% improvement from last week’s follower count of zero. AWWW YEAHHH … is what I have to say to that.

So anyways, my last day at the ol’ job was Friday and it was pretty great. They made me a going away cake that can only be accurately described through the art of the photograph: 

It says, “We’ll miss you bitch,” in case anyone was wondering. *sigh* … I’ll miss those bitches too. Also, I'm not sure they accurately captured the length of the Scottish man's arm hair but I'll find out soon enough. Anyways we all went out for drinks after the work day was over, got a little sauced and then the next morning it was off to San Francisco to see the two bests from my college years, Ashley P and Lexie.

Night one was dedicated to something I haven’t done since I was five … a scavenger hunt. However, going into this unfamiliar territory did not appear to be daunting. I mean, how bad could it possibly be? We’re probs just going to find a few landmarks, snap some shots, take some shots, and be on our way right? Nah. I quickly realized my error in supposition when we entered the venue where we were all to meet. As my eyes grazed the room I noticed a slideshow of photos from scavenger hunt’s past and suddenly felt a wave of realization and cowardice overtake me. The list of photos that immediately come to mind is as follows: men taking shots off of other men’s unmentionables (covered unmentionables mind you but unmentionables nonetheless), groups of people humping statues, and random bouts of nude running.

I of course responded the way any normal, healthy person would — I sat down at the bar and ordered a Long Island. Within minutes it was time to head out on the streets with our team that included two strangers and us. Our tasks included finding a German, having the tallest female (me) feed a stranger with chopsticks, having seven strangers spell out “I <3 SF” with their bodies, taking our shirts off and make bread bowl bras, outperforming a street performer, taking a picture with a family of seven (a task that we far exceeded when we found a Mexican family of 20), taking pictures with a clueless Asian tourist, being as obscene as possible with the mermaid fountain in Ghirardelli Square, and finding Batman.

Even now I’m not sure how we were supposed to accomplish that last one.

Anyways, here’s the proof that I made a mermaid go downtown on me while Lexie licked another one’s nipple and Ashley P went through the back door … if you get me.

The rest of the night went about the same with a few more highlights. One of the last acts of the night was the bread bowl bra — let me just break that one down for everyone. While running down Fisherman’s Wharf we came across a bread-bowl-making factory/ restaurant called Boudin and we knew it was time to get down to business. As all the tourists stared intently through the large glass windows that looked in on the bread making process, Lexie and I got the attention of one of the chef’s and began to mouth that we needed two bowls to cup over our boobs. Of course he acted like he had no idea what we were saying until we pointed to our breasts and then somehow he seemed to understand completely … weird.

The best part of the entire night may have been watching the faces of the restaurant-goers as Lexie and I ran into the baking room fully clothed and then ran out five minutes later still struggling to put our shirts back while carrying a bag full of bread bowls.

Note to Stephanie/follower: we didn’t take out shirts all the way off … we’re not quite that crazy. Or are we? Nah we’re not.

Anyways we lost the scavenger hunt. But the weekend was still really great. Lots of catching up, eating, shopping, cart wheeling, etc. Also, it was my last full weekend here in the states. I’m glad I got to spend it with some of the greats.

I’m off to watch “Don’t be Afraid of the Dark,” with the mama now. Wish you could come with us Steph … EXCEPT I DON’T. Nah, I do.

Until next time.



  1. It would have been fun if you'd have made the cake version of you a nice mini-breadbowl-bra made out of donut-holes.

  2. WHILE gyrating against a mermaid statue? Yes.